5.19: Planet of Fire

In which a companion and a half are written out, and Peri wears a bikini.

Broadcast: February-March 1984

Watched: January  2021

Planet of Fire, Part One

This is another one I’ve retained almost no memory of. Having now watched the first two episodes, I can entirely understand why.

In the opening scenes it’s not immediately obvious if this is Lanzarote or an alien world? Oh, there are white people dressed as Arabs talking about Logar’s mercy, so I assume the latter. I was expecting some kind of twist after “He’s a myth!” but no, nothing. This feels telling about what is to come.

Then we ARE in Lanzarote, listening to some American accents so bad that they might genuinely represent casus belli. (Mindblowing that they got an English actor called “Dallas” to play an unconvincing American.) There is something very creepy about Howard’s relationship with Peri – hints of coercive control; she doesn’t talk to him like a father figure, either – but as with everything else it’s kind of unexplored.

The gratuitous swimming and drowning sequence does finally give Turlough an excuse to do something selfless after nine stories, which I suppose almost counts as character development.

It’s also extremely weird that Kamelion is suddenly just *there* with no reference to the fact they missed him out of the last five stories, not even a wry wink to the audience. We’re just expected to remember King’s Demons 2 well enough to know. The way Turlough yells at him perhaps gives some insight into why the poor sod has never come out of his room.

I like the regulars’ hot weather outfits. The Doctor’s attempt to pay for a drink with alien coins, and the barman’s angry response, is the best thing in this.

Oh it’s the Master there’s a surprise

Rubbish.

Planet of Fire, Part Two

“Why have you never mentioned your home planet before?” Why didn’t you ask him you self involved pillock? Honestly – the way we’re suddenly just in a story about Turlough’s origins, which have barely been hinted at, is bloody weird.

This is if anything even less interesting than part 1. We spend much of it watching the Master controlling a robot that’s pretending to be the Master chasing someone who will be but isn’t yet a new companion, and so we have no particular reason to care about.

I have no idea what the story is about. The volcano threat to the people of Sarn? The half articulated fight between rationality and religion? Turlough’s backstory? Peri’s back story? Kamelion’s back story? What are the stakes? What is the thing that means I should tune in next week?

I think this might be the worst in the season so far. Resurrection is a mess but it’s one of those that’s infuriating because it’s about two drafts off being Actually Good. Warriors is utter shit, but it’s quite action-packed utter shit. This is just... there. It’s like all the ambition went on the overseas filming and they didn’t feel the need to add anything else to the mix. Like its spiritual sequel Planet of the Dead.

Planet of Fire, Part Three

“He’ll die in the holocaust with the rest of them.” *laughs* Ooookay.

Three episodes in, I still don’t know what this serial is about or what anyone is trying to achieve. The first truly interesting moment of the story comes at the cliffhanger when it turns out that the Master has got himself miniaturised, but for some reason they play it as dramatic rather than HILARIOUS which is obviously what it is. I was going to say that the demonstration of the Tissue Compression Eliminator is dangerous close to fun, even if it feels like “halfway through episode 3” is the wrong place to put it, but now I understand why they put it there, so.

This is consistent characterisation, I know, but Turlough slips uncomfortably easily into the role of “Princling telling elders that if they don’t do what he says he’ll speak to their manager”. He should have ended up in the Bullingdon, not the TARDIS. The Doctor slowly working out that Turlough is from a slightly nasty colonialist empire (TBC) is interesting but entirely undeveloped.

Ainley is wearing eyeshadow, for some reason. Does he always do this?

The Doctor shouting at Kamelion that he’s only a machine and will bow to his will is weirdly horrifying.

Oh, more randoms in the TARDIS. This never stops being annoying.

Planet of Fire, Part Four

“You’re doing what Timonov wants!” It’s a mark of how badly structured this story is that it’s not immediately obvious why doing what Timonov wants is actually a problem. [Two years on I can’t even remember who Timonov is.] It is also very in keeping that this story drops in something as significant as a hint that the Master is the Doctor’s brother, in a fluffed line you might miss if you’re not paying attention.

Turlough’s backstory is... not bad, exactly? But it doesn’t really go anywhere, it’s all squeezed into about two-thirds of an episode. It doesn’t inform how the character has been written before (though it does fit with the “Look you oik I was born to rule over you” stuff at least).

And what is the idea of using Sarn as a prison planet *saying*? Is this meant to be an Australia allegory? No, because it isn’t saying anything, it’s just a bunch of plot points. Apart from anything else: the Trions have been keeping the Sarn environment safe, rather than ruining it as the British did Australia. 

Oooh a volcano is going off, it’s stock footage time.

Kamelion begging for death, and the Doctor wordlessly obliging, also faintly horrifying. 

The miniature Master stuff is almost fun, but doesn’t fit with the rest of the story at all. As with much of the next season, this story is in dire need of a tone meeting.

Oh well, some of the imagery is quite good. The spacesuited guy in the flames. The tiny Master. The Master’s TARDIS materialising in the fire.

Why does the Master’s control box have a tortoise on its wall?  

I didn’t even realise until I read a synopsis in that Timonov is meant to kill himself at the end. Oh.

I’d never really appreciated quite how little time Peri had spent with the Doctor before he sacrifices his life for her. Oh hang on so Howard presumably assumes she’s drowned doesn’t he? Poor abusive f*cker.