15.1: The Church on Ruby Road

In which it’s a wonderful life.

Broadcast: December 2023

Watched: April 2024

Preamble first.

So I was at a party (yes, I go to those) the other night, when a reader (yes, I have those; hi, Harry) recommended this blog to his boyfriend, who he is trying to get into Doctor Who. That was when I realised I was an episode behind and the new series was about to start, and I should really get on this. So, a mere four months later, here’s my bit on the Christmas special.

Before that, though, another reason for spamming you fine people – my new book A History of the World in 47 Borders: The Stories Behind the Lines On Our Maps is available now from all good bookshops and also some bad ones. It is not in any way about Doctor Who (though inevitably the odd reference sneaks in), but instead is a collection of essays about weird, funny or interesting borders throughout history, from the unification of Egypt in 3100BCE to the space race today, via Rome, China, the Holy Roman Empire, the Schleswig-Holstein Question and some accidental invasions of Liechtenstein. I’m really very proud of it, and if you’ve been enjoying these blogs I hope you’ll consider buying it. 

Right, that’s enough of that, let’s get what you came for.

Oooh so many lines which sum this one up:

“Rule number one. Don’t lose the baby!”

“I wonder who I’d be without you.”

“He’s not a myth, he’s an actual thing.”

“Who’s Ruby?”

Labyrinth meets It’s A Wonderful Life, with just a hint of FInal Destination. In the best tradition of Doctor Who, this takes a bunch of stuff we recognise, and remixes it to produce something new.

And it really is a totally different to anything we’ve seen before. The sailing ship in the sky, the vaguely fairly tale vibe, the importance of coincidence (does that mean anything? Does it matter if it doesn’t?)... it gives us a story that’s closer to fantasy and farther from sci-fi than we’re used to, and it all adds to the Christmassy vibe. So does the random, unexplained musical number, which also gave us an annoyingly catchy Christmas single. (It went nowhere.) It all feels less literal. 

Four episodes in, it'd pretty clear that RTD isn’t back just to play the hits. 

This is also the smallest of his Christmas specials. The Earth isn’t in danger; the Doctor is simply trying to save Ruby and Lulubelle (“What a terrible name!”). But just as Rose is less the story of the invasion than of the new companion discovering the Doctor’s world, this is the same story for Ruby. There’s a slight structural weirdness that she’s playing the Rose role, yet there are times – the scene with the policeman; the bit after the timelines change – when the Doctor is the protagonist. For this week at least they’re basically joint leads.

The new cast and their characters alike are great, obviously. Ruby and her family are immediately likeable (love the grandmother’s continual demands for tea and flirting with the Doctor). Ruby herself is, I think, the first RTD companion who’s not running anything from something – instead she’s looking for answers about herself and her origins. The mysteries of the season to come are nicely set up, which is annoying when it’s another four months before the next episode. (Who the hell is Mrs Flood meant to be and why does she get to break the fourth wall live Lovejoy?)

It’s very RTD to find the actual character note buried in the entirely undercooked Timeless Children plot (“I’m adopted”). I also wonder whether the Doctor showing up to see a companion as a baby is an attempt to do his own better/less creepy version of Moffat’s Amy and Clara plots – RTD2 is very clearly in dialogue with the stuff made since RTD1. (See also, “Then why are you crying?” which is pretty much a direct lift from VIncent & the Doctor. Michelle Greenidge is amazing in that scene.)

As to the Doctor himself, his main characteristic is his physicality I think – the dancing scene, the running along rooftops bounding chimney pots. (There are definitely two of him in that nightclub, right?) This is another entry in our list of stories where the villains are defeated by the Doctor climbing a thing (see also Idiot’s Lantern, Vampire of Venice, Rebel Flesh etc).

The ending itself feels oddly… small. There’s some dramatic music and the Doctor pulls the ship out of the sky, and it’s over and everything is fine. It feels a bit easy, and defeating metaphorical monsters through physical action feels a mismatch.

But this is nitpicking. It’s great, and fresh, and in an entirely different way to the trilogy it followed by all of a fortnight. We are so back.

Other things:

• The episode, like Lulubelle, has a terrible name, sorry.

• If the Goblin King had swallowed the baby, what was everyone else at the feast supposed to eat? How was a single baby ever going to last three days? Most importantly of all: are musical numbers just a thing Doctor Who is going to do now?

• Where on Earth are they going with the “mavity” thing? Given that Susan Twist, the actress who shouts at the band, was Isaac Newton’s housekeeper two episodes back, I feel like they must be going somewhere.

• The realisation that “once upon a time” in the opening monologue means Christmas 2004, a mere three months before they broadcast Rose, pretty much broke me. 

• It’s funny how Notting Hill looks like Bristol, isn’t it? Also, how the hell is anyone moving to Notting Hill in this day and age? I fear the modern housing market is another of those boring real world things which RTD doesn’t find very interesting, and fair enough I guess. (Has he got the idea of rent control from American TV?)

• Talking of the great man, I met him at the premiere of this episode and turned from my normally suave and charming self into a gibbering teenage boy. There are photos, which will never see the light of day, in which I look upsettingly like Shrek.

• Laughed quite hard at, “Merry Christmas, Davina McCall”.

• My notes include the phrase “Colour palette? Bleached”. No idea.

• Ncuti is the first Doctor with facial hair except Smith, briefly, and Hurt. 

• So… did the Doctor f*ck Houdini or what? And who the hell is Mrs Flood?

Anyway, I’m gonna try and write up the new episodes in the week after they come out. You lucky, lucky people! 

In the mean time check out the Who Watch Podcast, in which upsettingly young people David and Beth watch the show in order from the beginning and occasionally stop to be mean about me, and please, please, please, I can’t stress this enough, buy my book.