5.15: Warriors of the Deep

In which I have the best Christmas Walford’s ever seen.

Broadcast: January 1984

Watched: Christmas 2020

A change in format for this one. I spent Christmas 2020, for various pandemic-related reasons, on my own; so, elsewhere, did my lovely friend Dr Matt Symonds of University College London. Since there was no Christmas special on and we both had time to fill, I asked him to watch the next story on my journey with me, while we talked about it over WhatsApp. Then, instead of doing my normal write up for my nerd mailing list, I just sent them the lot.

So, this is that. What a Christmas. 

Warriors of the Deep, Part One

[19:31, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Johnny Byrne did a very odd set of stories didn’t he

[19:31, 25/12/2020] Matt: Jumpsuits of the fuuuuuture

[19:31, 25/12/2020] Jonn: you wouldn’t put them together as the work of the same writer

[19:31, 25/12/2020] Matt: I watched Traken the other night

[19:31, 25/12/2020] Matt: I really like it’s weird Jacobean energy and hopeless plotting

[19:32, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I love Traken – real sense of world building

[19:33, 25/12/2020] Matt: Ah, the confidence that people will recognise a Silurian.

[19:33, 25/12/2020] Jonn: They throw the monsters in early don’t they? We find out it’s Silurians before we find out there’s a cold war. Weird.

[19:34, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The “Turlough isn’t leaving yet after all” scene feels like an answer to a question no one was asking

[19:34, 25/12/2020] Matt: No reference to Five Docs — 5 and Turlough’s conversation out of place

[19:34, 25/12/2020] Matt: Snap!

[19:34, 25/12/2020] Matt: Eye shadow of the fuuuutuee

[19:35, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Why do base under sieges always have someone who is clearly on the verge of a nervous breakdown in them

[19:35, 25/12/2020] Matt: Sea Devils getting a reference before Silurian

[19:35, 25/12/2020] Jonn: also, why are their pals calling them “Sea Devils”?

[19:35, 25/12/2020] Matt: INTRODUCE YOURSELVES

[19:36, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I blame Ian Levine

[19:36, 25/12/2020] Matt: we all do

[19:37, 25/12/2020] Jonn: This 35 year old man is a very odd student

[19:37, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I like Tegan’s new outfit, though

[19:38, 25/12/2020] Matt: I think it would be more worrying if he were a convincing schoolboy

[19:39, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I know there are some odd accents on display here, but THAT IS NOT HOW YOU PRONOUNCE THE WORD “DEMISE”

[19:39, 25/12/2020] Matt: Ingrid Pitt!

[19:39, 25/12/2020] Jonn: not being a horror fan I have not seen any of her other work

[19:40, 25/12/2020] Jonn: except The Time Monster

[19:40, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The Doctor trying to talk an automated weapons system out of shooting the TARDIS is quite funny

[19:40, 25/12/2020] Matt: That’s basically her bosom in that

[19:41, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s a real mess how invulnerable / manoeuvrable the TARDIS is here

[19:41, 25/12/2020] Matt: Yay for ASCII of the future

[19:41, 25/12/2020] Jonn: this is some truly terrible acting

[19:44, 25/12/2020] Matt: Longest. Countdown. Ever.

[19:44, 25/12/2020] Jonn: (my revisionist opinion about the companions of this era is that the problem is actually Nyssa. Adric and Tegan are both irritating in ways that are actually useful and plot advancing. Nyssa is just boring and inconsistently written, as am incredibly blood thirsty delicate flower)

[19:44, 25/12/2020] Matt: She is however very pretty

[19:45, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “Yes of course. A seabase.” Suggests they’re historically significant in the way a medieval castle is

[19:45, 25/12/2020] Matt: But you’re right. Adric certainly isn’t the issue.

[19:46, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I actually quite like Adric. He’s acting out for chunks of season 19. But I think he’s quite well written, and he works really well with Tom.

[19:46, 25/12/2020] Matt: Very true in Traken, certainly

[19:47, 25/12/2020] Jonn: oh look, here’s Chekhov’s gun

[19:47, 25/12/2020] Jonn: It feels like the geopolitics is a bit under explained – they’re just assuming that everyone watching in 1984 will immediately understand “massive cold war”

[19:47, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s explicitly the same Cold War as well isn’t it?

[19:48, 25/12/2020] Matt: “nothing has changed”

[19:48, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I mean, there’s wriggle room in terms of continuity, but they probably are trying to imply it’s the same war, yeah

[19:49, 25/12/2020] Matt: 5’s hangdog reaction there is very funny

[19:50, 25/12/2020] Matt: One naked flame and all those uniforms are going up in a BLAZE

[19:50, 25/12/2020] Jonn: ha!

[19:51, 25/12/2020] Jonn: the “these people are infiltrators” stuff also feels very 1980s. Solon’s evil grin after implanting the mind control thing in Maddox is quite entertaining though

[19:51, 25/12/2020] Matt: Oh good the Silurians are SO SLOW

[19:52, 25/12/2020] Jonn: This assumes a lot of knowledge of the events of another story that was broadcast once, 14 years earlier

[19:53, 25/12/2020] Jonn: This is structurally so weird. why would you not spend the first episode on the geopolitics, and make the monsters the cliffhanger?

[19:53, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Also, why is the Doctor’s plan “sabotage a military base with nukes just to cause a diversion”?

[19:53, 25/12/2020] Matt: Such a terrible cliffhanger too

[19:53, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Also, Turlough is SUCH a dick

[19:54, 25/12/2020] Jonn: the Doctor’s under for two seconds and Turlough’s all like “Oh he’s drowned, bye”

[19:54, 25/12/2020] Matt: I know!

[19:54, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Adric would never abandon the Doctor like that, that’s all I’m saying

Warriors of the Deep, Part Two

[19:58, 25/12/2020] Matt: Imagine waiting a week to make sure the doctor hasn’t drowned [NOTE: I realise now it was only one day.]

[19:59, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “Oh no the Doctor’s dead” is such a terrible cliffhanger because no, he isn’t

[19:59, 25/12/2020] Jonn: only time it works is The Stolen Earth I think

[19:59, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I do like Davison’s unhinged grin when he puts his hands up, knowing he’s about to smack someone, though

[20:00, 25/12/2020] Matt: Why didn’t Turlough shut the OTHER doors

[20:00, 25/12/2020] Matt: Before they came in

[20:00, 25/12/2020] Jonn: It is, charitably, unclear why the Doctor thinks a good plan is to give the base staff the impression that the TARDIS crew are enemy saboteurs

[20:00, 25/12/2020] Jonn: ooh, soaking wet Davison, one for the fan girls there

[20:01, 25/12/2020] Matt: God I hate sea devils

[20:01, 25/12/2020] Matt: Stupid chicken neck bastards

[20:01, 25/12/2020] Jonn: racist

[20:01, 25/12/2020] Jonn: It’s actually quite nicely made this, isn’t it? It’s a well produced pile of utter shit

[20:02, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The Silurians are a really interesting concept that this story utterly pisses away, by making them entirely generic

[20:02, 25/12/2020] Matt: “There will be a short period of orientation”

[20:02, 25/12/2020] Matt: I think a syllable is missing there

[20:03, 25/12/2020] Matt: They still haven’t bothered to introduce the Silurians in any way

[20:03, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Sauvix sounds like “cervix” doesn’t it

[20:03, 25/12/2020] Matt: “We’re polyamorous”

[20:04, 25/12/2020] Matt: FART JOKE

[20:04, 25/12/2020] Matt: and the world’s least observant security guards

[20:04, 25/12/2020] Jonn: (going back a couple of minutes, but Turlough’s “save yourself!” seems like he’s overcompensating for immediately abandoning the Doctor)

[20:04, 25/12/2020] Matt: Maybe people going for a sleep in their undies is common practice in a sea base.

[20:05, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Oh god the fart joke gets a CALL BACK

[20:05, 25/12/2020] Matt: Immediately.

[20:05, 25/12/2020] Jonn: that’s probably quite fun if you’re six. the burping bin of 1984

[20:05, 25/12/2020] Matt: Someone was very pleased with it.

[20:06, 25/12/2020] Matt: Fair question [Not a clue what this refers to, sorry]

[20:06, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I mean, it was a really stupid plan wasn’t it

[20:07, 25/12/2020] Matt: Turlough’s comeback there not brilliant

[20:07, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I quite like that the men of 1984 also have OTT eye make up

[20:07, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s a bit Robots of Death

[20:07, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I do like Strickson’s “annoyed that the waiter brought still when he specifically asked for sparkling” tone. It’s a very good impression of a public school product

[20:08, 25/12/2020] Matt: We do indeed have a problem

[20:08, 25/12/2020] Matt: What the HELL is supposed to be happening

[20:08, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The Doctor is weirdly aggressive in this one. [Script editor Eric] Saward’s effect on the show I assume

[20:08, 25/12/2020] Matt: She takes it well.

[20:09, 25/12/2020] Jonn: People do wander in and out of the TARDIS a lot in this era, for some reason

[20:09, 25/12/2020] Matt: This is the most POINTLESS confrontation

[20:09, 25/12/2020] Matt: Again, a Saward bit

[20:09, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Oh okay the Doctor gaining trust by handing over the gun is a nice move to be fair

[20:11, 25/12/2020] Matt: Finally, someone explains who the Silurians are

[20:11, 25/12/2020] Jonn: an episode and a half in

[20:11, 25/12/2020] Matt: And the plot has started!

[20:12, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Considering quite how bad Saward is at the key points of script editing (clarifying stakes and motivation, making sure explanations are clear), it’s genuinely impressive how good seasons 19 and 20 are

[20:12, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s such a blessing when they drop the episode when they’re in the TARDIS travelling somewhere

[20:12, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “RELEASE THE MYRKA” oh god

[20:13, 25/12/2020] Matt: Recap for ten years ago

[20:13, 25/12/2020] Jonn: as with Arc or Attack, there’s a compelling idea for a season opener here on paper... but the script just isn’t up to it

[20:14, 25/12/2020] Matt: I think the Target novel spends a lot more time on the geopolitics of the story

[20:14, 25/12/2020] Jonn: yes I think that’s right – which is odd really because it’s a Terrance [Dicks; most prolific Who prose writer], and he’s not normally big on filling in the blanks

[20:15, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Old monsters, big budget action movie... they just don’t bother telling an actual story

[20:15, 25/12/2020] Matt: So much of this era is early modern staging

[20:16, 25/12/2020] Matt: If we walk OVER HERE no one will hear us exposit

[20:16, 25/12/2020] Jonn: there’s an amazing bit in Terminus where Olvir screams “NO!” because Nyssa is no longer tied up immediately behind him... without turning his head 60 degrees so that he can still see her, ten feet away

[20:17, 25/12/2020] Matt: Yes the MYRKA

[20:17, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Is Nitza Saul the first Israeli to appear in Doctor Who?

[20:17, 25/12/2020] Matt: That’s very clearly a question for Jim.

[20:18, 25/12/2020] Matt: Not that I’m suggesting Jim keeps track of Israeli heritage [Note for the lawyers: we are not suggesting anything of this sort at all, no]

[20:18, 25/12/2020] Jonn: oh the mind controlled Maddox is murdering her. ANTI SEMITISM

[20:19, 25/12/2020] Matt: GOOGLY EYES SO CUTE

[20:19, 25/12/2020] Jonn: ...you know what I said about this being quite a well made story? I take it back. That’s a f*cking abysmal monster

[20:19, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s a panto horse, and a very sweet one

[20:20, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Turlough just can’t decide whether he cares about his friends dying or not, can he

[20:21, 25/12/2020] Matt: The captain doesn’t have any reason to give a fuck about the Doctor and Tegan at all

Warriors of the Deep, Part Three

[20:30, 25/12/2020] Matt: HALFWAY THROUGH

[20:30, 25/12/2020] Matt: I’m kind of psyched for that

[20:31, 25/12/2020] Matt: I like Turlough’s socks

[20:32, 25/12/2020] Jonn: When I tweeted a picture of the Myrka someone replied “Is that Surrey Quays Tesco?” and I think that was a more insightful comment on the story than it actually deserves

[20:33, 25/12/2020] Matt: WHY IS ANYTHING HAPPENING

[20:34, 25/12/2020] Matt: Turlough ordering the saboteur to do some sabotage there

[20:34, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The heroes are quite violent in this one aren’t they

[20:34, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The Doctor smilingly smacking someone, Turlough with a gun...

[20:34, 25/12/2020] Matt: That’s fine when they have reasons

[20:34, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Tegan will be getting the nunchucks out in a bit, you mark my words

[20:35, 25/12/2020] Matt: But no one is doing anything for any discernible reason here, other than the spies, and their reason is “we’re spies lol”

[20:35, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The way those extras lean against the metal bulkhead and wait for the myrka to electrocute them is very helpful

[20:36, 25/12/2020] Jonn: also why did we get that scene earlier in which the Silurians introduce themselves by name? the script makes no effort to differentiate between them after that

[20:37, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s vitally important the 8 year olds watching this realise one of them is a survivor from Jon Pertwee’s first season

[20:38, 25/12/2020] Matt: Shooting and missing from point blank range ADDS DRAMA

[20:38, 25/12/2020] Jonn: WHEN THEY DIDN’T HAVE NAMES

[20:38, 25/12/2020] Matt: Ian Levine GAVE them names

[20:39, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The base commander drafting Turlough, on the grounds that if he’s going to wave a gun about he might as well make himself useful, is a good moment

[20:40, 25/12/2020] Matt: Conversely, the Dr seems really pissy that Tegan manages to guess the one place they’re going to is the bridge, despite it being manifestly obvious

[20:41, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Something I’ve realised watching in order is that the fifth Doctor is a right grumpy fucker, he’s constantly having a go at his friends for things that are not their fault

[20:42, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s Davison’s whole thing that he’s basically Hartnell right?

[20:43, 25/12/2020] Jonn: yeah I think so. Hartnell would have been Davison’s own Doctor of course

[20:43, 25/12/2020] Matt: Poor Ingrid Pitt

[20:43, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Ingrid Pitt’s single bit of a karate, resulting in her immediate and pointless death, is outstanding

[20:44, 25/12/2020] Matt: The weird thing is how much like Five likes Peri

[20:45, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Does he? Or is he just less of a dick to her than the guy who replaces him? Guess I’ll find out soon

[20:44, 25/12/2020] Matt: Pretty much everybody else he gets stuck with and is exasperated by

[20:45, 25/12/2020] Matt: Then he comes across someone who just wants to wear a bikini and have a nice life and he’s sold

[20:46, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s a shame Five, Turlough and Peri don’t get more time as a team. It’s a good combo

[20:47, 25/12/2020] Matt: Evil Gameboy MIND CONTROL

[20:47, 25/12/2020] Jonn: A weird thing is one of my earliest experiences of Doctor Who was a Choose Your Own Adventure book, which led me to believe that Six, Turlough and Peri was a real team

[20:49, 25/12/2020] Jonn: That wasn’t published until 1986 so it’s very odd it had Turlough in it

[20:49, 25/12/2020] Matt: Did he write it?

[20:50, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “The power bloc opposed to this sea base” is not massively specific

[20:51, 25/12/2020] Matt: Maybe the struggle has just ossified to such an extent

[20:52, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s really run out of story now hasn’t it

[20:52, 25/12/2020] Matt: Not quite so bad as Timelash does but

[20:52, 25/12/2020] Matt: “Shall we just head to the TARDIS?”

[20:53, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Another common trope in this era

[20:53, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The Doctor BLINDS SOMEONE ON PURPOSE

[20:53, 25/12/2020] Matt: With a not-quip quip!

[20:53, 25/12/2020] Matt: Roger Moore as Bond energy

[20:54, 25/12/2020] Matt: Or whatever the opposite of energy is

[20:54, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Shall we roll straight through and get this over with?

[20:54, 25/12/2020] Matt: God yes

[20:54, 25/12/2020] Matt: What even happened in that episode

Warriors of the Deep, Part Four

[20:56, 25/12/2020] Matt: I know a lot of people point to the lack of time or production resources this show gets because of the election being called suddenly, but how would those things change this show exactly?

[20:57, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The issue is the script. It’s badly structured, not clear what anyone wants

[20:57, 25/12/2020] Jonn: (Also Gary Russell wrote an entire missing adventure to explain a minor continuity error here, lol)

[20:58, 25/12/2020] Matt: Jesus

[20:58, 25/12/2020] Jonn: There’s a hint of an actual theme here – the Silurians have given up on the idea of peace, so have the two blocs of humans. But I bet it doesn’t go anywhere after this one conversation.

[20:59, 25/12/2020] Matt: This is a very odd point in the story to learn the plot

[21:00, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “These humans will die as they have lived – IN A SEA OF THEIR OWN BLOOD”

[21:00, 25/12/2020] Jonn: which is a message I just accidentally sent to Agnes

[21:00, 25/12/2020] Matt: Hahahaha

[21:00, 25/12/2020] Matt: You old romantic you

[21:01, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I can’t believe Warriors of the Deep is the thing that finally ended my relationship

[21:04, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Anyway. I’d remembered this as a story that got worse and worse – last time I watched this I texted Jim, “By the end, I was rooting for the missiles” – but actually this episode is probably the best one. It’s actually about stuff

[21:04, 25/12/2020] Matt: Turlough is SIMPLY FURIOUS he has to look at a lady’s bottom there

[21:04, 25/12/2020] Jonn: And I quite like the way the Silurian says to the Doctor “Oh no we’ll definitely let you go, but we’ll kill everyone else, as a mercy”

[21:05, 25/12/2020] Matt: Agreed. I think it starts okay, but then loses the plot quite literally for the next two and a half episodes

[21:06, 25/12/2020] Matt: If this was four of six in a more leisurely age, something good might have come of this

[21:06, 25/12/2020] Matt: Someone gets to the surface, has to convince Continent Good Guys it’s not Continent Bad Guys, etc

[21:06, 25/12/2020] Jonn: There's no excuse for a six episode Doctor Who story though, I’m not sure any of them work

[21:06, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The seven episode ones do, oddly enough

[21:07, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s very odd that such a recreation of Seeds of Death has the Silurians and not the Ice Warriors

[21:08, 25/12/2020] Jonn: The bit where the Sea Devil accidentally gases itself is momentarily hilarious, until we see it literally melt which is hideous

[21:08, 25/12/2020] Jonn: I’m not sold on the idea of a gas that kills reptiles but is harmless to mammals. Feels a bit “mercury has magical properties” [A trope frequently employed by David Whitaker, the show’s first script editor]

[21:10, 25/12/2020] Matt: Nuclear bombs that kill people but leave buildings and infrastructure etc

[21:10, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s very handy that they have so much down there

[21:11, 25/12/2020] Matt: Presumably it’s for cleaning off barnacles or something

[21:12, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “She’s dead.” “A waste.” Also convenient how it’s always the guest stars who are accidentally killed. But Doctor Who, I suppose

[21:13, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “I will not be responsible for the destruction of my own kind” – again, it’s sort of near a theme, but just doesn’t bother to approach it

[21:14, 25/12/2020] Jonn: “Look, it’s hexachromite gas,” says Tegan, who has only just learned that hexachromite gas exists

[21:14, 25/12/2020] Matt: Killing off Sea Devils: fine

[21:14, 25/12/2020] Matt: Killing off Silurians…

21:16, 25/12/2020] Matt: Just saying the Dr has priorities here [Doctor Who is also a racist]

[21:16, 25/12/2020] Jonn: And once again, the Doctor doing some technobabble which may or may not save the day

[21:17, 25/12/2020] Matt: JESUS TURLOUGH [I assume this is a reference to his final, and the script’s penultimate, line, pointedly-delivered line: “They’re all dead, you know”]

[21:18, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Well. That wasn’t very good, was it?

[21:18, 25/12/2020] Matt: Well, just as well they have another go at this story with Resurrection

[21:19, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Turlough just blasting someone in the chest for being green is quite funny though

[21:19, 25/12/2020] Matt: I look forward to forgetting watching this and going back to have strangely positive memories

[21:19, 25/12/2020] Matt: Well, thanks for inviting me along for the ride!

[21:20, 25/12/2020] Matt: You have The Awakening next, at least. Which is good.

[21:20, 25/12/2020] Jonn: Thank you! Watching bad Doctor Who is far more fun when you have someone to bitch about it to.

[21:20, 25/12/2020] Jonn: ooh last thought – Turlough’s “They’re all dead, you know” followed by Davison’s delivery of “There should have been another way” is actually fantastic. It’s a real shame about the preceding 98 minutes.

[21:21, 25/12/2020] Matt: It’s basically what the Silurians are for

[21:22, 25/12/2020] Matt: Everyone tragically dying for no good reason other than tragic forces beyond the control of reason

[21:22, 25/12/2020] Matt: And then the Doctor crying.