4.34: The Horns of Nimon

In which it’s silly, but not fun.

Broadcast: December 1979-January 1980

Watched: October 2020

The Horns of Nimon, Part One

Very silly. Not un-entertaining but very silly indeed. Nobody in it is taking it seriously, which perversely sort of works better than it only being the regulars not taking it seriously. The early TARDIS scene, where the Doctor says he really should stop saying what can possibly go wrong, sort of works quite well, until the bit where he starts giving K9 mouth to mouth at which point I just thought, “Oh FFS”.

More spaceship models. The TARDIS’s previously unknown ability to project air corridors, and the bit with the regulars pretending to climb down a slope, work quite well.

I quite like the clash between the sort of olde worlde language and the space setting. The only sacrifices with dialogue are proto-Adric and proto-Nyssa. Both the co-pilot and Soldeed are enjoying going totally OTT, as, so I’m guessing, are the costume designers.

The Nimon costume manages, somehow, to be worse than the Mandrel one.

The Doctor hugging K9 at the end totally f*cks the cliffhanger.

The Horns of Nimon, Part Two

This is very poorly made isn’t it.

Lalla is probably the worst regular the show has ever had. Whenever she has to do anything involving the slightest emotion she is utterly terrible. But her costume in this one is quite good.

The Nimon is completely terrible. The sound effects when he speaks. The way he sort of wobbles from side to side. The costume, which looks like it was made of papier mache. When everyone pretends to be scared of it, it is hilariously unconvincing.

The non-speaking sacrifices do a LOT of background acting to make up for the fact they don’t have any dialogue. To be fair it is very weird to have the same five non-speaking extras wandering around not saying anything for multiple episodes.

Huh. Teka is played by Janet Ellis, which means that she must have filmed this when Sophie Ellis-Bextor was an actual baby.

“Sucked the life force out of it, leaving just a husk” feels like a genre cliche – I mean, I’m sure I’ve heard it before but it’s not a real thing is it? – but I can’t work out where it comes from. [A scientist pal replied, “Certain creepy-crawlies do inject digestive enzymes into their prey then suck up the soupy result leaving the exoskeleton like a husk. That's where I presume the cliche comes from.” So, there you go.]

The Horns of Nimon, Part Three

“I don’t understand.”

This probably isn’t the worst episode yet, but only because there have been so many bad episodes recently. There’s some camp value, at least; but so little happens that I was genuinely surprised to find I was two-thirds of the way through.

Tom with a red hankie. Almost amusing. The non-speaking extras are all too dim to run. Including scenes featuring just them and the Nimon was a particularly brave choice.

Although maybe not as brave a choice as the scenes with several Nimon talking to each other. So the Nimon want to invade Skonnos, do they, there’s a shock. These are definitely a candidate for the least convincing monsters yet.

The bit at the end where Soldeen blows something up and the Doctor looks upset about Romana would be more dramatic if anything that happened in the previous 25 minutes had felt in some way consequential.

I sort of like that there’s an attempt to explain why the labyrinth moves around? That’s quite cool. Other than that, though… Well, at least Graham Crowden is enjoying himself. I’m glad somebody is.

The Horns of Nimon, Part Four

“Kindly remove me from this surface.” K9 spends a lot of time in pieces doesn’t he – almost as if he’s too useful in getting out of trouble otherwise. I do like the bit he asks to be put on the floor and then does a runner.

I quite like the bit where Soldeen sneaks away, panto-style, while everyone is distracted. Also – Romana getting accidentally sent to another planet where she meets a Soldeen-substitute and learns what’s going to happen would be a nice dramatic device if we actually cared about this place, but we don’t. There’s no sense of Skonnos as a place – or reason for us to care about any of the guest stars really, they’re all either too winsome or too camp.

There’s a bit where Lalla is clearly waiting for Seth to remember his line and they left it in. It’s like watching a play going wrong. Also, at one point Romana says “Help!” in a very un-Time-Lady-like manner.

I was thinking everyone was being mean about poor Graham Crowden but he is truly terrible in his death scene; borderline unbroadcastable. [Not technically about Doctor Who, but a fact I’m weirdly obsessed by: Crowden went on to star in the retirement home sitcom Waiting for God opposite Stephanie Cole, a woman 20 years his junior who was only 48 at the time she was cast. The wrong side of 40 as I am, this terrifies me.]

The ending is incoherent, but it hardly seems to matter, really. The whole subplot about Seth’s birthright or lack thereof never really goes anywhere does it.

So: in conclusion, Lance is wrong about the Williams era, it’s dreadful.