3.7: The Claws of Axos

In which we get a glimpse of quite how silly Doctor Who looks to outsiders.

Broadcast: March-April 1971

Watched: January 2020

The Claws of Axos, Episode One

“Intelligence: Atypical.”

I mean this is rubbish really isn’t it? It’s quite charming because it has a cast and the setting I find cosy, but it’s objectively not very good. I quite like the fish in space, mind.

Thee’s no thought given to what it’s trying to say at all - the bit where the Doctor tells Chinn off for being a Little Englander is great, but then Chinn is right about the Axons being a threat when the Doctor wants to welcome them, and, worse, we know that from the moment they appear. Then they want to offer a gift and the positions are reversed (”We must have it!”)... it just doesn’t hang together.

Bill Filer is introduced as if we should already know who he is. He’s treated oddly like a regular.

The Pigbin Josh stuff goes on for decades and isn’t funny or interesting and it’s possible we’re being encouraged to laugh at someone who’s mentally ill.

Jo is told to stay away from the danger, sneaks out of the base, then just walks straight past the soldiers into the enemy ship as if, well, as if they’re non-speaking extras. So why all the business with the sneaking? Also, why do all the speaking characters just march into the ship without precautions? The Master being in there already looking bored out of his f**king mind is quite funny, though.

Anyway. Cute but rubbish. This is Bob and Dave’s debut isn’t it? So I’ve got years of this stuff to get through? FFS. [Bob Baker and Dave Martin wrote seven more stories, then Baker a ninth alone, across the rest of the 1970s. Their speciality is an intriguing part one, followed by, well, yes.]

The Claws of Axos, Episode Two

They’re quite Chibnall, Bob and Dave, aren’t they? Body doubles! The army arrives to push UNIT out! Don’t think about what anything means, just keep ramping up the tension!

The way the scientist furiously storms i, yells at everyone, touches the accelerator, immediately dies and the Doctor just goes “OF course!” without acknowledging the fact a man just died is hilarious.

Love the Master jumping onto the top of a truck.

The bit where the regulars and Filer, who still isn’t a regular, pretend to be scared of a man under a coloured sheet is kind of brilliant.

Anyway - this is a good “notional Dr Who” story. It’s what everyone imagines the series to be and we like to pretend it isn’t. It’s stupid and it makes no sense and the effects are bad but the campness sort of sells it.

The Claws of Axos, Episode Three

It’s cargo cult Dr Who. Things happen because they’re the sort of things that happen in Dr Who not because there’s a logic to them. The idea of the Brig turning to the Master and being forced to choose between the world and the Doctor/Jo is a *brilliant* idea which is totally wasted here, just used to create momentary tension and then thrown away.

The depersonalisation stuff is creepy, and the bit where an Axon has to leave a room because it’s started and it’s like he’s trying to hide the fact he’s just shat himself is great. The lead Axon looks weirdly phallic.

Filer’s bad dreams are bloody embarrassing.

The Claws of Axos, Episode Four

“Goodbye, Jo. I shall miss *you*.”

The idea that the Doctor just wants to bugger off and to hell with the Earth almost works, because he’s been such an abject prick and he does keep trying to run off. In sequence it’s sort of possible to suspend disbelief for it in a way it isn’t when you watch this one in isolation.

But as with everything else, it’s not really thought through and is under exploited and then some stuff blows up and it’s over. Like I said: Chibnall-esque.

And now it’s Colony in Space. Jesus Christ.