13.28: The Vanquishers

In which – would you believe it? – it all falls apart.

Broadcast: December 2021

Watched: September 2022

“But seriously, how am I here?” 

Alternatively: “None of this is possible.”

Then again: “You any idea what she’s talking about?” “Not a clue. Normal service resumed.”

Or, last but not least: “F*cking hell.” (That one’s not a quote from the episode, as such.)

So this is Chibnall’s Journey’s End, in that it has multiple Doctors and about 27 people in the TARDIS and is utterly mad. Unfortunately, it lacks the much loved characters and airpunch moments that made that episode great as well as as self-indulgent mess, so the results are a load of nonsense. The first time it took me two hours to watch, because I was bored; it wasn’t quite that bad this time, but unlike Survivors..., which works far better when you know accept it’s not going anywhere and just enjoy the ride, this still isn’t that much fun.

I fear that what follows isn’t very coherent. I’m not sure that’s entirely my fault.

Firstly, we get a very long intro (four minutes, almost Moffat length), mostly dedicated to ensuring that people one again just magically appear where they have to – Kate Stewart in the tunnels, the Doctor in Karvanista’s ship AND next to Yaz AND being stuck at Division with Swarm, and so forth.

The three doctors bit (again: like Journey’s End, but bigger!) is weird since it doesn’t do anything except having them in different places. For, what, the 17th time this season, it feels like a literalisation of the problem of Chibnall being over-extended, having given himself too many things to do off screen/too many plots to tie up on screen. It’s also a good cheat to get the Doctor out of impossible situations – throw another Doctor at it. (The really weird thing is: wasn’t there a rumour of the Doctor being split into three parts in season 11, that never happened? Huh.)

Then we get either the second or third Sontaran invasion of the season depending on how you count. It’s fun watching the Sontarans wandering around the sights of Liverpool; but the sugar addiction plot is, not for the first time this season, a weird tonal mismatch with everything else that’s going on.

Another tonal mismatch: “The last of the Lupari”. The Sontarans *commit genocide in this episode*, as a minor subplot thrown in to raise the stakes and apparently for no other reason? Still, I suppose Logopolis did it first. Karvanista howling is a good moment.

There’s a lot of technobabble (Diane in the passenger, the Sontarans using psychic energy to something something something). There's a certain amount of mucking around with a fob watch, which is less annoying now we know it doesn’t go anywhere this episode but, since such a big thing is made of hiding it in the TARDIS, presumably will in Power… [Note from after watching Power: ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.] The way Swarm and Azure are still in colour in the black and white Lungbarrow bit is interesting but, it is probably safe to assume, meaningless.

Later, Azure explains that these guys are basically death/destruction/nothingness incarnated, and that their plan is to destroy the universe, wind it back and do it again. This is presumably meant to be the reset switch through which the Doctor undoes the Flux? So it’s a shame no one bothers to, y’know, press it.

One line, to sum up the problem with this entire season: 

“Atropos will be the final point of the Flux destruction. The culmination, where Time will be unleashed. You’ll be our offering. The first Time Lord. A final gift for the Saviour, sacrificed to Time on Atropos as it falls to the Flux. Atropos, then.” 

Good luck making sense of that. I’m not sure Chibnall can either. RTD did nonsense plotting, which reached its peak in Journey’s End, because he prioritised character points. Chibnall just does it to create a stream of incident. 

Other things:

• The Doctor’s complete team this episode: The Doctor, the Doctor, the Doctor, Yaz, Dan, Kate, Jericho, Claire, Vinder, Bel, Diane, Karvanista, Williamson, possibly an Ood.

• This week, the captions take us to Chile.

• Who are the vanquishers and what is it they vanquish, you ask? The answers are the Sontarans, and “Daleks and Cybermen” respectively. That works: the short ones’ plan is to use the others as inhuman shields. It does rather make the big two look like morons, it must be said, but the Sontarans don’t get away with it because Vinder, Bel and Karvanista do some technobabble.

• There seems to be a whole human resistance movement that we don’t see? We just get Kate saying it exists, and one bloke betraying her. That’s it. 

• Some moments I like: Yaz beating the Sontarans by opening the door to death is pretty cool. Karvanista howling. Jericho accepting his fate (shame he dies due to incompetence rather than heroism, mind).

• “The mad mole? I’ve always wanted to meet you!” She says that a lot doesn’t she? Anyway, I like the way it turns out Joseph Williamson is basically Gary Sparrow in Goodnight, Sweetheart.

• Diana being the only one of the thousands of people in the Passenger who can survive it feels like some convenient bullshit. I can’t make head nor tail of their escape plan. Also, she’s not rejecting Dan at the end she’s saying she needs time to recover from trauma, and he seemingly misreads it. 

• Karvanista was clearly the Fugitive Doctor’s companion, and now hates her because she abandoned him. I ... wonder if that’s where the Yaz story is going? [Again: ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.]

• Oh! Time, whatever that is, appears as yet another Doctor, how lovely. “Beware of the forces that mass against you and their master.” “What do you mean their master?” “F*ck’s sake, Doctor I’m hardly being cryptic.”

So, Flux in conclusion... It’s Trial of a Time Lord again, isn’t it? There’s loads of good material in there, it’s potentially compelling where the previous season was a drag... but it doesn’t hang together at all, and fans will be coming up with fixes and scribbling stories in the margins for decades.