13.21: The Timeless Children

In which Doctor Who does nothing.

Broadcast: March 2020

Watched: July 2022

“Are you suffering comfortably? Then I’ll begin.”

Well, this doesn’t work very well, does it? There’s a load of interesting stuff here, it just doesn’t in any way resemble a story.

Good bits first. It’s a good Master story – I love the idea that he’s furious because he’s discovered that part of him comes from the Doctor. The animation showing the development of Gallifrey and the citadels is beautifully done. I quite like “everything you know is a lie”, blowing up Time Lord history. This was, after all, the point of the Cartmel Masterplan [thread of “everything you think you know about the Doctor’s past is wrong” stuff in late 80s/90s Who], which I’m guessing Chibnall knows.

Against that, though...  While both the idea that the Time Lords stole regeneration, and the idea that the Doctor has a forgotten past, are interesting, the two ideas don’t actually fit together, we just happen to discover them at the same time. Making the bulk of the episode about the Master going jackanory on us is inherently undramatic; the Doctor spends most of the episode just being passive. Oh, and the name “Tecteun” is silly

The cyber time lord costumes, which I hated on broadcast, are actually a kind of brilliant camp bit of Doctor Who .... but we’re not in a camp story, we’re in one that’s trying to be taken seriously. I don’t think it’s inherently a bad idea, I think the issue is the tonal mismatch?

In the other plot, within minutes we are down to three surviving humans, four if you count Grandpa Ko Sharmus. Julie Graham is the only surviving woman. Good luck, humanity.

The bit where they have to pretend to be cybermen, literally hiding in the suits, is great (the hideously biological idea of having to pull out human remains etc). Later, one of the cybermen taking its head off to reveal Yaz is a *brilliant* twist. (One of the humans wants to get friend’s body back because she had nightmares about being converted: do the cybermen convert the dead now? Is this a Moffat legacy thing?)

I had entirely forgotten the death particle plot – the idea that the ascension of the cyberman was to purge the organic component and become robots. That’s almost interesting, if undercooked.

I’m a bit shocked how quickly Ashad is disposed of after two and a half episodes of build up, though, not least because he’s back in the NAMELESS CENTENARY SPECIAL. [They kept the title of The Power of the Doctor secret for an insanely long time.] “I thought if he was compressed, the Death Particle would activate and all this would be over. I would’ve been okay with that.” I like that the Master has a death wish – basically that this entire story is him trying to commit suicide by Doctor. 

The ending... The Doctor sending the fam away just doesn’t work as well as e.g. 11 sending Clara away, largely because Steven Moffat is a better writer than Chris Chibnall. And also there is ultimately no sacrifice except of some minor bit part. Even if he turns out to be the guy who sent the cyberium back to bother Shelley in the first place (remember that?), it just feels ... too small.

It’s a better finale than Battle. That’s about all you can say. But why did anyone think it’d be a good idea to film a 1998 “canon” thread from rec.arts.drwho and show it on BBC One?

Other things:

• “Can you feel a new era dawning Doctor?” the Master asks, two weeks before lockdown 1 started. Oh well.

• Tecteun is “he” after regeneration.

• It might have helped if Doctor had mentioned the Ireland bit was a dream she kept having *last* week?

• It’s nice to see Graham and Yaz chat (second time after Demons, I think?). Walsh plays the scene very well, but the version of Yaz he describes, the impressive young woman who never, ever gives up, is not obviously the one we’ve been watching, except maybe in Praxeus? That said, she does then seem to be plucky and pushy in this one – her speech about saving the Doctor etc – so maybe it’s a mission statement. Also, love Graham’s sniffy “Is that it?” about what Yaz says in response though.

• “Were all my memories of you erased?” FFS Doctor keep up.

• “Oh, you look rough. Or is that a choice? Don’t mean to conversion shame you.”

• The fact the Master “can be in two places at once” – conscious in the Matrix and in the real world too – feels like a comment on his split personality? And also a comment on Chibnall’s plotting.

• “It’s all lies. None of this is true” – er, could the Doctor be right? Is this a get out clause for when RTD ignores it?

• “The one thing he said that you didn’t understand” – who and what does this refer to? FugitiveDoc says it’s not the Master, but... do we ever find out?

• When the (not the Doctor’s) TARDIS materialises on earth it’s a depressing newbuild detached house. That’s kind of cool “You can settle in the 21st century” – so this is the end of the human race? Has Chibnall given us the final end of humanity and not even noticed? Fuck’s sake.

• The Doctor being told that “Everything you know is wrong” and going “why should I give a shit” is from the EDA Unnatural History. I wonder if Chibnall knows

• At the very end, how do the Judoon get into the TARDIS? Very Chibnall that he forgets to put in the third “What?” to finish mirroring RTD.