11.28: The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe

In which Christmas feels a bit undercooked.

Broadcast: December 2011

Watched: January 2022

“Oh, grow up, Lily. Fairlyand looks completely different.”

Very slight, this one. Which is odd, because it does, on paper, have proper depth. At its heart it has the same message as Vincent..., only it should feel bigger because it’s about kids, to whit:

“Because what’s the point in them being happy now when they are going to be sad later? The answer is, of course: because they are going to be sad later.” 

So why does it feel so small? Maybe it’s too linear. Maybe it feels quite low budget. Maybe it wastes some decent guest stars. 

Or maybe it just icks. The Christmas imagery and the story of life force and female strength don’t really cohere, and the female/mother/strong thing is just kind of cringe. Also, the big Hollywood-esque salvation moment at the end doesn’t feel earned. It has the same problem as Planet of the Dead.

I’d entirely forgotten the all-action intro on a spaceship, which surprised me because my main memory of this was “dull”. The sort of prologue is light but sweet, with lots of silly jokes (the Doctor’s helmet being on back to front, “I’m blind!”,  wrong TARDIS, lots of banging into things, telling a kid she’s found a spaceman – oooh, is that a Chris de Burgh reference?). Claire Skinner must have counted as a fairly big guest star in 2011, thanks to Outnumbered.

I’d also forgotten that it started before the war, and that there was a weird, tonal shift when you suddenly cut to Alexander Armstrong dying over the Channel. That uncertainty about tone continues when the guest stars arrive in big metal hazmat suits. Bailey is okay but not up to the drama; Weir is not really up to that, or the comedy either. Also there’s a point where she literally raises her mask so we can all see she’s another minor celeb before she even gets a line. (All of which makes me wonder who the third space person was meant to be played by, since he’s not a celeb at all.) None of this matters really because they all vanish from the narrative within 10 minutes.

It’s a shame it doesn’t really work because – as with ...Carol – it’s doing something a bit different for Christmas. These aren’t stories about the Doctor or his companions, they all centre an outsider and tell stories about how he changes their life. Moffat gives up on that after this one (possible exception: Mysterio?), possibly because it doesn’t work this time, but I think the problem is that he’s just knackered, because there are loads of bits of script that feel incredibly first draft-y:

“I imagine you’d prefer to be alone.” “I don’t believe anyone would prefer that. Stay close, caretaker.”

Christ.

“Look what you can do, Mother Christmas.”

Oh god.

“Happy crying. Human-y wuman-y.”

Jesus.

One last thought – would the kids this is aimed at actually get the Narnia stuff? The last adaptation was a long time ago.

Other thoughts:

• The title makes clear the main thing it’s referencing, as if it wasn’t clear enough already, but is there something else in the mix? The (massively sinister) wooden people really remind me of something and I can’t work out what.

• Talking of the title: it’s incredibly inaccurate, since this episode doesn’t actually contain either a widow or a wardrobe, and the Doctor is “the caretaker” throughout because he’s in hiding.

• No way do those kids age three years between scenes. Also, Cyril is very punchable for a small child.

• “Uncle Digby’s house” reminds me of Diggory in The Magician’s Nephew. But not quite.

• The kids’ room scene is a good bit. I love the random intrusion of “the Magna Carta”. Also, a window disguised as a mirror, and a mirror described as a window!

• Androzani Major. Cool.

• It’s quite funny that there’s a whole discussion of not wanting to wave guns at women, then Madge turns out to be carrying one.

• How did you meet? “He followed me home.” Jesus christ, Moffat.

• The final scene with Amy and Rory feels a bit of an add on, since so far as we knew those characters had left, and within the text the Doctor hasn’t seen them for two years (“River told us... she’s a good girl!”). I’m not sure forgiveness and always setting place for him fits with, y’know, the entire previous season, but we are where we are.

• The Doctor cries again (happy tears, this time). He cries a lot, this one. Pertwee sleeps, Smith cries.