11.12: The Pandorica Opens

In which the universe ends, and Rory comes back from the dead and kills Amy. So on the whole, a bit of a bummer.

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Broadcast: June 2010

Watched: November 2021

“You graffitied the oldest cliff face in the universe.” “You wouldn’t answer your phone.”

The main thing about this one is the “holy f**king sh*t” scale of it. The *seven minute* pre-credits pulls the clever trick of using bits filmed with previous episodes (Vincent, Victory, Beast) to make it feel massive, and takes us to Stormcage, too. Then we’ve got River as Cleopatra, the regulars horse-riding, Stonehenge, the flaming torches. 

There’s a bit where it looks like it’s going to be a Dalek story, and then a Daleks vs Cybermen one. (The bit with the dismembered cyberman is utterly terrifying, although the fact they use the word “assimilate” now is a bit baffling.) But it isn’t that, of course, it’s Every Monster Ever, including ones that don’t really count as monsters (Draconians, Siluarians). The Alliance doesn’t actually make sense except in metafictional terms.

This, if there is a problem with this episode, is is: I’m not sure it means anything other than “biggest Doctor Who story ever!” It’s clearly meant to be a sort of humbling moment for the Doctor – the Eleventh Hour-style big speech this time doesn’t work; it’s there as a feint – but that will have no effect whatsoever because a) he still wins and b) after that he’s exactly as bombastic as he ever was.

Rory’s return is brilliant but nonsensical in the same way... It’s utterly baffling, but it’s so great we don’t care, even though it means literally bringing someone back from the dead. The moment when Amy asks about the ring, and the Doctor does his “people fall out of the world sometimes but they always leave traces” speech is genuinely beautiful and magical. I love that Smith plays it with such guilt that Amy misunderstands who’s lost someone. I love even more that it’s interrupted by an attack by a cyber-arm.

Then, Rory actually showing up as a centurion is a proper headf*ck moment. (Love, too, that he’s just recognisable in the shadows before that if you know what you’re looking for.) The scene where the Doctor is talking to him for quite a while before realising is brilliantly played. “Did she miss me?” is heartbreaking. 

But really, it’s all about the run up to that cliffhanger: the brilliant pandorica design and effects, the sky full of spaceships, the gradual build up of the sinister music. The moment the Autons activate is genuinely a bit frightening, and not just because Rory’s one of them. Then there’s a whole sequence of spine-shivering moments: River finding the books in Amy’s room, Amy finally remembering Rory, Chris Ryan’s “No! We will save the universe, from you!”, the Doctor’s growing hysteria, River finally opening the TARDIS door to find a wall... 

...then the stars go out and silence falls.

The line “Sometimes impossible things just happened and we call them miracles” sort of sums it up. It doesn’t mean anything, and the logic it follows is that of fairy tale magic rather than normal storytelling. But god it’s good.

Other things (quite a lot of them because it’s that sort of an episode):

• Random thoughts on that pre-credits: LOL at naming the random French doctor after a Van Gogh painting; also at the guard aiming a gun at a cartoon. Dorium is great, you can see why they bring him back, twice. Blimey Liz 10 lives a long time.

• “Who’s in Egypt. And dead” is such a funny line delivery that the fact Cleopatra’s been dead 131 years doesn’t seem to matter.

• ”There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior...” I like that both that guy and the good wizard could be Doctor Who.

• “Unless you’re busy, then always ignore a coincidence” is a bit of a weird line. Draw attention to it then move on? Huh?

• Chelonians! The New Adventures are canon, confirmed. Also, new Daleks! Forgot those guys.

• I’ve only just realised that Time of Angels establishes River can fly the TARDIS purely to set up the fact it blows up in this one.

• Rory waking up with head full of Roman stuff – he isn’t just suddenly there, he is actually a Roman – is weirdly like Picard in TNG: The Inner Light. I love that he’s visibly jealous when another Roman gives Amy a blanket.

• The date the universe ends is the transmission date of next week’s episode, not this one.

• Unanswered questions: Who exactly is saying “Silence will fall” at the end? Why can an exploding TARDIS destroy the universe anyway?

• And finally, some bonus material: Sylvester McCoy, the 7th Doctor, reads the 11th’s big speech to a convention audience: