10.43: The Stolen Earth

In which the Doctor gives up, until his mates make a Zoom call.

Broadcast: June 2008

Watched: October 2021

“Annihilate UNIT!” Alternatively, if we’re looking for lines that sum up the episode: “That’s my girl!”

The actual story here is a complete and total mess. Everyone fake-gives up halfway through, including the Doctor; everyone else is useless without the Doctor; they all need a failed Labour Prime Minister to give them a kick up the arse and tell them “All we need is the Doctor”; and then everyone, er, makes a phone call. It’s a deeply bleak message – and a long way from RTD’s original conception of the Doctor, as a man who makes everyone else better – that the world is f*cked without him.

The amazing thing is, though, it’s so audacious, that none of that matters. It uses the spin offs and guest stars to create a massive sense of scale in the four minute pre-credits sequence (“Little bit bigger than south Wales,” says Ianto Jones), and then sticks everyone’s names in the titles so you know this is A Big Deal. It’s basically the Doctor Who equivalent of an Avengers movie, before there were any Avengers movies. I can’t help but think this is the sort of thing RTD is annoyed Chibnall isn’t doing, because he basically invented it and the new guy can’t be arsed.

It really does make it feel huge. The pre-credits which starts with the milkman on his rounds, and ends with him on the other side of the galaxy looking baffled at Billie and her huge gun. The Doctor being so lost he goes to the police – you can sort of tell the Shadow Proclamation is rubbish because they ran out of money, but there’s so much else going on it doesn’t really matter – and speaking Judoon. 

And the Daleks – who’d been away an unusually long time before this story – being terrifying again. Sarah and Jack visibly panicking when they hear the word “exterminate”, the former sobbing, the latter just hugging his friends really close. The Doctor visibly shitting himself when he hears Davros’s voice, and Donna comforting him. Then it’s not just Davros, it’s the Supreme Dalek AND an insane Dalek Caan, too.

It feels significant that it keeps Rose separate from all the other major cast members until the last possible moment. Partly this is clearly to build up her return as The Important One. Partly it’s because torturing her is kind of fun (her obvious jealousy of Martha is brilliant). But mostly it’s to give us that amazing triple cliffhanger – Sarah Jane in danger, Torchwood invaded, and most importantly the Doctor and Rose’s reunion dashed by a Dalek and an unplanned regeneration. I’m not sure there’s been a better cliffhanger in the whole of Doctor Who, and for just under a week we really almost believed it.

It’s sort of the platonic ideal of RTD’s Who. It’s not brilliantly plotted, it doesn’t make much sense, and if you want meaning you’re better off looking to Moffat. But my god will he give you TV moments you’re going to remember for the rest of your life. And, like Rose, he’s coming back.

Other things:

• I love that it’s a sequel to The Dalek Invasion of Earth, in which the Daleks invade Earth and start moving planets about (”Clom’s gone! Who’d want Clom?”).

• After Turn Left it’s almost a relief to see Sylvia her normal horrible self.

• God, Richard Dawkins, remember him? Yeah he’s definitely the guy you want talking about astrophysics, yep. At least he doesn’t say anything Islamophobic.

• On things that don’t make sense: If the TARDIS stays fixed in space why aren’t planets constantly orbiting away from it? Why does everyone know about the top secret Project Indigo? Also, a thing that does make sense but just looks rubbish, the random corner shop with an Underground roundel on it.

• The Doctor running from the idea of leading the Shadow Proclamation into battle is clearly meant to be a thematic bit, but I don’t think it gels at all with the “only he can save us” stuff.

• Something that does work as a theme: I always thought Francine Jones’ cameo was pointless but actually Martha coming home during a crisis feels like the right conclusion to all those times she ran off with the Doctor while her mum looked pissed.

• Wilf thinks he knows how to fight Daleks... is this a movie reference? Love the paint gun/eyepiece bit. Also, “no she won’t let me, she says they’re naughty”. 

• Some line readings. “The bees are DISAPPEARING!” feels like the platonic ideal of a Tennant delivery. Also, he’s is amazing on, “Rose is coming back: isn’t that good?” “Yeah”. Tate is just as brilliant on “Why don’t you ask her yourself”, and then the way she just stands in the background basically glowing because something amazing has happened to her friend. 

• “I’m going out fighting. Like Owen, like Tosh” – neither of them went out fighting, in fact at least one of them went out screaming like a little girl. Nice to see Ianto in proper Doctor Who, though, he’s really funny in the first few scenes, laughing at Paul O’Grady, etc.

• “The Mister Copper Foundation” – yeah no way is a million enough to start a decent foundation guys, come on. Also who calls themselves “Mister”?

• Freema, bless her, delivers “I can’t take that, sir” as if she’s talking about emotional trauma not an actual object.

• The Daleks all looking at each other like they’re rolling their eyes when Dalek Kaan sounds off is probably the funniest thing in the episode.

• Harriet is only in this one, Mickey and Jackie only in the next, in case you were wondering how much anyone got paid.